Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Actions Speak Louder Than Words



                                                                                                                                                             How often have you heard that actions speak louder than words?  Those words were not spoken to make someone seem intelligent.  That phrase is entirely correct. Words can come with ease and be meaningless.  Actions take thought and are intentional

In everyday life, how often do you say things that you don’t necessarily mean?  Not that you are being fake, but there are some phrases and actions that we are programmed to say or do.  For example, in my line of work I probably say “have a nice day” dozens of times.  Not that I don’t want someone to have a nice day, but it just comes so natural to say it that I don’t often think of its true meaning.  Or when someone asks, “How are you?” the reply is usually, “Fine and yourself?”  Do you think that person really wants to know how you are?  Do they want you to rattle off that your back hurts, you think you’re constipated and you are worried about being behind on bills?  Of course not! 

                                                  

Sometimes I think we become so “programmed” in our lives that many more common phrases lose meaning and become habit of speech.  For example, “I love you”…I don’t know about all of you, but when I say it…I MEAN IT!  And I am not afraid to show it either.  Wither it be my husband, kids or other family, I can back that phrase up with an action if said in person.  A hug, a kiss, eye contact.  On the phone, its in the way it is said, (if that makes sense). 

When you are asking your spouse or children about their day, mean it!  Make eye contact if possible and be engaged in the conversation.  I can be guilty about this from time to time, doing the head nod and saying things like, “uh, huh”.  I don’t like that done to me, so why would I want to do that to others?   At times I have been bad about this with the kids, especially when I am busy.   I have been trying to make a conscience effort to  really be in the conversation as much as possible.  It can be tough with kids when they ramble on and on, lol…but I think the reward will be worth the effort.

My husband and I like to talk, there is no denying that!  And we share the events of our day with each other all the time.  Sometimes I am totally lost when he gets into talking about his job at times, and I sure the same is true for him when I speak of my day at work.  But I am truly interested in what he has to say.  I love that he wants to share his day with me.  It makes me feel like an important part of his life.  I believe that is a sign of good communication and a commitment in the relationship.  Two of the most important things that make a marriage work.

                                                       

We say “I love you” often…maybe some people would think it is said too much, but I personally love to hear it.  Sometimes it is just through texts, sometimes over the phone and the best way, hearing him speak those words.  It sounds sincere and melts my heart every time, (its also his voice, I LOVE his voice!).  It also reminds me how lucky I am to have someone like that! 

The point to this being, don’t let simple yet meaningful phrases like “I love you” become routine with no meaning.  Throw some action behind those words and make them felt by the receiver!   Mean it every single time you speak it.  If you text it, TYPE IT OUT…the whole phrase. No shortcuts or symbols.  If in person…seal it with a kiss.  Actions speak louder than words.  Have a nice day! 

Monday, March 26, 2012

Love, True Love.

                                                                               
I believe every marriage is a work in progress...and mine is no exception.  We are not perfect, we have to work at things and from time to time we suffer from miscommunication once in a while. All in all, we make it work...and well I might add!  I think that is because we started out as friends.  We got to really know each other and learn a lot about what makes each of us tick.  We learned of each others' past, the good and the bad.  


Unfortunately, the bad is what I seem to have an issue with from time to time. From both sides...the bad on mine is the the being cheated on, neglected, left to do it all, being abused, just overall being treated terrible.  The bad on his, hearing of his past "sexual experiences" and relationships, which sometimes in my mind make him as bad as my ex.  I know this is not true, but its my mind so sue me.  You cannot always help the way you think, especially when your mind has been treated so badly for years.  At times I appreciate my husband's  honesty and other times I just wish he had just kept it to himself. 
                                                    
I realize my husband's past is the past, but we have dealt with crazy women from the past rearing their ugly heads and causing issues, which is not good.  One incident really and truly hurt me.  It just stirred up a lot of unwanted memories and makes it even more difficult to get my own past out of my head.   And try as I may, sometimes I cannot help but to wonder if my husband is going to do as my ex did.  That sounds horrible, doesn't it?  When I think of that, it makes me feel terrible for even thinking my husband is capable of hurting me like that.  I know deep my heart he never would, but that past can be a real bitch sometimes.


I think I tend to read too much into actions that are nothing.  I dwell on things that really have no meaning, and I allow my feelings to be hurt way to easily.  This is where the miscommunication part comes in.  Although it is the topic of this blog, it is a very small part of our relationship.  I do not want to this to come across as a huge issue or as a daily issue that we have.  


I cannot express how incredibly happy my husband makes me.  I cannot put into words how wonderful it feels to be married to him, how lucky I am to have found someone that makes me feel this way.  I just know this, I have never been happier or more content than I am now.  Which is why these feelings about the past truly bother me.  I don't know if this is my brain's way of trying to protect me or trying to confuse and hurt me.  Sometimes I feel like I am in a huge struggle with my own head.  Sounds silly, huh?  I just want to forget my past, forget his past and live our happily ever after.  How do you shut off the past?

                                           


If I have heard it once, well actually, if I hear it again I think I will scream...but as they say "Your past makes you who you are today"  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  See, told you I would scream, lol.  I realize I am a stronger person today because of what I dealt with in my past, blah blah blah...but damn it! Why can I not get the bad out of my head?!  When does that part go away so it does not reflect on current life?  I am tired of remembering my past, and I am tired of making others suffer for it.  It is not fair to any of us.  


I am open to suggestions, I will try almost anything.  All I want is my happy ever after, the wonderful marriage I deserve and for us to enjoy growing old together.   I love you my wonderful husband...forever and always.