I love my husband very very much. I am not the perfect wife, but I strive to be good at it, lol. I am not Susie Homemaker, you will see some cobwebs and the laundry gets piled...but I do my best to take care of my family. I have seen some people roll their eyes when they hear of what I do for my husband at times, but it is my choice. I might take his shoes and socks off for him, fix him a glass of Pepsi, fix his plate for dinner, get his clothes ready for him after a shower, fix him a snack, rub his shoulders, etc...and I love to do it.
See, I believe in a lot of things, but two of the most important are showing gratitude and paying it forward. I do these things to show my husband gratitude for giving me a happy and safe life, free from fear and violence. I am grateful that we get along so well and enjoy each others company. I am glad that I am ALL he needs and wants, he gives me security. And maybe by doing all of this will ensure that my happy life will continue for the rest of our lives. I will gladly pay it forward to live happily ever after with the true love of my life.
This life is far different from the one I had before him. I was married to an unmedicated, abusive bipolar man who could not remain faithful if his life depended on it. It went from Internet chatting, (he thought never seeing them in person made it OK), to full blown affairs. I was made to feel inadequate, ugly and worthless. I cannot tell you how horrible that man could make me feel. To this day, I do not know why he stayed with me if he wanted others.
That is something that will always baffle me. I never understood cheating. And I know it seems funny that I would focus my pain more on the cheating than the abuse, but heart is slow to heal...it holds on to that pain for a long time. Sadly this pain can sometimes pop up in my marriage now. I know it is not fair to my husband, but sometimes we cannot help it. I know I am married to a good man, he would NEVER hurt me by being unfaithful. But it is difficult to grasp that there are good people out there. There is someone who loves you and only you...for who you are. That is something else that baffles me at times.
I ask myself time and time again, why do I deserve this? Why does he love me? But I guess I do deserve it, so for that I show my gratitude towards to him. Not to kiss up, not to keep him from leaving or to keep myself safe. It is to thank him for being one of the good guys, someone who came into my life and made it what I always wanted...Happy.
I value my marriage very much. I know that I have to work hard at it to keep it going. I feel blessed that I have him by my side. I feel blessed that he makes me feel loved. I pay it forward gladly to get it in return. He may be my second husband, but he is my first, last and only true love. For something as special as that, I am a very lucky lady. I love my husband.
