Ramblings of How We Do it

Not to brag, but I have a great marriage!  I didn't get it right the first time around, and luckily neither did he.  So after our not so great first marriages, together we are still learning what makes a great marriage...there are disagreements, discussions and changes.  As we learn how to be better spouses, I think we are also learning to become better parents as well.  We want our kids to have a happy life.  We want to show them by example.  We don't sugar coat, but we try to keep things as positive as possible. 

The thing that I love about my husband is that because of him I still get butterflies, goosebumps and giddy at times.  He does that to me without even trying.  Marriage takes work, but love is effortless...when there is love, it's there. You don't have to force it, learn it or convince it.  It is something that brought two hearts together in a bond so tight you can feel the strength.  We can be in each others presence and not have to speak a word. I cannot think of anyone else better to grow old with.  He is truly my soul mate.

Not everyone can be as lucky as us!  And I say that with the utmost respect.  I hear friends, co worker and even strangers at the store bad mouthing and complaining about their spouses.  Of course you might need to vent once in a while, but just remember this...choose your words wisely. What you say can form someone's opinion of your spouse. Do you really want someone going around thinking your spouse is scum and your crazy for being with them?  I think those type of relationships are possibly doomed.   I am not saying you should never vent about things on your mind, but I am saying be careful with your words.  They can hurt...just think about it like this.  If the role was reversed, would you want to be spoken about that way?  It's a mutual respect, either you have it or you don't.  And respect is a BIG part of why our marriage works so well.   

Our Love Story Is My Favorite

I cannot say any better than that...my husband is the dream I have been waiting for.  He is the answer to my prayers after so many years of Mr. Wrong.  I love that I do not have to worry about loyalty, lies and losers.  It's kind of crazy, but even to this day, just thinking about my husband sets the butterflies loose in my stomach.  Yep, he's that wonderful! And mine!

Finding my husband backs up my saying, "You don't get what you want unless you work for it and earn it!"  I guess I finally earned it, because I can't imagine anyone better.  I have friends who have just never found the right guy, they complain about it all the time.  But when they have a guy, they bitch publicly about him.  They degrade him and speak too quickly when upset.  This might be why you don't have your soul mate...I, by no means kiss ass, take orders or become subservient.  I do however go out of my way often to make sure my husband feels my love.  To make sure he understands how happy he makes me and to get my point across that I am so grateful for having him in my life.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  I am not saying we don't have our moments, but when we do it is not broadcast across Facebook (or Blogger) or anywhere it should not be.  If there are problems at home, you start there to fix them.  When you over share and complain before you even try to solve...you deserve what you get. 

I am more happy than I have ever been and I intend to keep things that way.  My love story has no end, we are forever.  

All You Need Is Love (and a gift once in a while)

 My husband is a great guy!  He works hard to help provide for our family, he listen's to my long detailed stories, my hair brained ideas/opinions, he is a positive force in the lives of our kids and he is the best cuddler!  It's not unusual for my husband to make a late night run to fill my car up with gas, give a timely back rub, or a great unexpected hug...BUT he’s not Mr. Romantic!  I am confidant in his monogamous love for me, and I don't really need any big flashy gifts to have that proven.  BUT, the girly girl in me really wants the flowers, candy and dinner scenario once in a while.  

I realize that Valentine's day is just once a year and love can be shown at any time...but come on now!  It's marked out for a reason, it's the one time a year that all the gifts are all laid out for you, it's a no brainer!  Hell, they are even on sale!  Ease of purchase, lower cost, happiness all around!  Yes, flowers die.  But they look so pretty for a few days.  And candy is not healthy, but a little treat is nice.  

I did get flowers last year.  It was 3 roses in a very pretty ceramic pot.  I still have them, dried of course.  It was a start!  He has great potential to be a romantic I tell ya!  He has a heart as big as the world and a soft side he doesn't show often.  Somehow he got the idea that I didn't like flowers as gifts.  Whoa!!!!  I happen to LOVE flowers!  I just don't like them when given as make up gifts.  My ex did that, and I hated it!  He could be a total asshole and think a dozen roses would make him more tolerable, I DON'T THINK SO.  Flowers for special occasions are fabulous!  They lift a lady's spirit and excitement!  It makes them feel special to receive such a thoughtful gift.  Especially when the color is carefully chosen.  Sometimes you have to look beyond red guys!   

OK, I think I am starting to ramble here so I better just sum it up.  We don't have to have a gift on Valentine's Day, but it is nice!  Flowers on occasion are sweet, candy is always good.  Jewelry can be great too, and gives you a chance to put a lot of thought into it!   This however is not a great idea, very heartfelt and sweet, but not ideal...Just saying!  Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Love is Patient, Love is Kind

This was part of the reading from our wedding...one of the most happiest days of my life.  My best friend became my husband.  I consider myself blessed to have him in my life, he makes me feel pretty special and very much loved.  I could not ask for more...

I Am Loved

This is exactly how I feel about my marriage...we make a great pair!

I can always count on him to be there for me and give me a reason to smile when it is hard to find one.  I am lucky, I am blessed, I am loved.

Love You Longer

There are no truer words to every say about my husband...I love my husband.

Don't Poop With The Door Open

Everyone has read articles on "how to" have a great relationship, but I thought I would change it up a little.  How about tell you things that you NOT do?  Take it or leave it, but here it is...read on:

DO NOT ever miss the opportunity to say I love you.  These three words carry more power and meaning than any other three words in the world.  One of my favorite sayings is this: When I tell you I love you, I don't say it out of habit, or to start a conversation.  I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me.  I don't know about you, but I feel those words can do so much.  They can cheer someone up when they are feeling down, they can lift their spirits higher and confirm that is truly is a great day.  They can make someone feel at peace with the world...all of that from three little words.  

                                              

DO NOT stop having fun with one another.  All of the silly little things you did together in the beginning, keep it going!!!!  Be it silly faces, corny jokes and imitating for a laugh...DO IT!  There is a wonderful thing that happens when you laugh, endorphins are released and pleasure follows...I wasn't going "there", but whatever, you want the happy feelings...lol. 

DO NOT think you are smarter than your spouse.  Know-it-all people are annoying.  We are all guilty from time to time, but their is a difference between occasionally knowing you are right and being down right arrogant about most things.  Confidence is a great thing, but NEVER ever let it get in the way of your relationship.  It is OK to know the right answer and not correct someone all the time.  Its even OK, (GASP!) to be wrong once in a while.  After all, whatever the issue may be, is it really worth an argument?

DO NOT put your spouse down to others.  Even if it is just a little rant to your friends or coworkers.  I don't remember the exact number, but the saying goes something like this:  For every negative/bad thing you say it takes 10 positive/good things to cancel it out.  So if you are ranting to others about your spouse and never saying much about the nice stuff, their image of your spouse is tarnished.  If and when you do say good, they are less likely to believe it.  Then you will get upset with that person when they say something about your spouse.  Its a vicious circle, just do yourself a favor and NEVER do it!  Also, if there is a huge need to "bitch" about your spouse, there might be a problem there and your relationship is way beyond my blog.  Just sayin'...

DO NOT stop holding hands!  Its a small way to say you care, to feel special, to feel close. It take little effort but yet says so much.  It's not a childish thing that you grow out of and it's very endearing to have that contact.  It kind makes me lighter on feet and makes me feel a little tingly when my husband reaches for my hand.  I instantly get the urge to lean into him a little, for the extra closeness.  That little token of love goes a long way.

DO NOT stop doing nice things for each other, OFTEN!  I am not talking about how a man should buy his wife flowers and jewelry monthly, (but its OK if he did, lol), but just give them little ideas of how much you appreciate them. It can be a gas station rose, replace the air freshener in the car, help with the dishes, sweep up the garage.  It doesn't have to cost a thing, just do something!  I like to throw little notes in my husband's lunch, maybe make his breakfast once in a while if I have a few minutes, rub and or scratch his back while we are hugging goodbye in the morning before work.  It's the little things.

And last, but CERTAINLY not least......................

DO NOT Poop with the bathroom door open!  Under no circumstances is this every a good thing.  The occasional emergency when you have to pass some toilet paper or they are very very sick MIGHT pass for an excuse, but other than that...Yuck!  It's sometimes bad enough that you have to be in there yourself, and sometimes it's bad enough when the smell seeps out into the house.  But why in the hell would you want to be there while someone is pooping!   I don't know about you, but I have a bad enough self image of myself after having three kids.  I don't need to tarnish the image of me naked by husband seeing me sitting on a toilet "assuming" the position.  It's wrong.  Don't do it. Ever. 

We all know the "sittin' on the toilet" lady

That being said, I would love to hear some other ideas from you.  Yes, you!  The one reading this blog.  I know that there are some out there, I have over 5000 hits so someone is reading.  Share your ideas, what would be on your DO NOT list.  Until next time...

25 Reasons I Love You

25 Reasons I Love You

1.  You make me smile.

2.  You are my best friend.

3.  You are a WONDERFUL dad.

4.  You have a soft side.

5.  You are honest and trustworthy.

6.  You stand by my side.

7.  You’re a GREAT husband & married to me for an eternity! J

8.  You always make me feel special even when I am not.

9.  You are a terrific cuddler!

10.           You are AWESOME!

11.           You are genuine.

12.           You bring out the best in me.

13.           You always cheer me up when I am sad.

14.           Two words…red one!

15.           We can have fun ANYWHERE!

16.           Thinking of you gives me goose bumps!

17.           You take care of our family.

18.           We are so good together.

19.           You care about me.

20.           You have AMAZING eyes.

21.           We have so much in common.

22.           I hope my boys grow up to be just like you!

23.           You are the handy man of our family.

24.           You accepted me and the kids for who we are.

25.           You are you, and that is the best.

I love you!

Am I Damaged Goods?

There are days that I sit there and think, when is this dream over?  Am I about to wake up and be right back where I was?  If this is a dream, it's very realistic and at the same time, hard to believe.  I have a hard time believing that my husband is mine, all mine.  And I don't have to share him.  When we took vows, he took them very seriously, as did I.  This was not the case with my last marriage.  That one was filled with lies, deceit and heartbreak.  I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out of my happiness...

This sounds so negative, even as think it, type it, read it.  I know it sounds terrible to think, but it is in no way a slam on my husband.  He is a wonderful person and treats me better than I ever thought I could be treated.  But when your past won't get out of your head,  it puts a slight damper on the present.  My husband doesn't say much about my past, he knows about it, he knows it bothers me.  And I think it bothers him.  He has to live with the shadow of my past looming over us.

I would like to think it doesn't effect our relationship, but there are times I am sure it does.  You would think it would be a piece of cake, you know being such a great guy after that loser.  But there are challenges.  Like I said above, I sometimes find it hard to believe that there isn't "another woman" or several for that fact.  Not that I think that is the norm for any relationship!  I just dealt with it for so long, I prayed it would stop for so long and it never did.  My life is kind of like one of those too good to be true things right now.  Therefore, the bottom has to drop out at some point, right? 

I can be told 1000 times that my life will be perfect from here on out, but there is some sort of filter in my brain that is keeping me from fully believing this.  And once again, this is not a slam on my husband at all.  It is not his fault at all...but I don't know how to fix this and make it right.  Am I what they call damaged goods?   

I pray on a daily basis he doesn't just finally decide that this is not worth the headache, hassle or trouble.  I know deep down that he would not do that, but everyone has a breaking point.  I fear that my past could push someone to that.  I am a lot to handle, and I was a package deal.  He took it all with great acceptance and love.  For that he deserves sainthood.  He is my dream come true, he is all I ever wanted and more.  He was the missing piece to my puzzle of a heart. 

This is kind of a downer of a blog for me write, I have actually been working on it off and on all day.  It is just one of those days where I look at where I was and where I am and think, "OK, that's it..." and BAM!  My great life is gone.  And it's back to the old ways.  I love my life and I love the way things are going.  It's not always sunshine and roses, but it is always filled with love.  I don't ever want it to end. I can't imagine not having what I have right now.   

Regardless of what this blog may lead you to believe, I love and trust my husband with all of my heart and soul.  I have faith that our marriage is sacred and will last our lifetime.  It's just those moments that won't leave your head, the few times that the past rears its ugly head.  I will tell you this.  I think it is getting better.  I have good days and I have bad days.  I tend to over think things at times, and that makes it not such a good day.  I just have to remind myself that I have a good guy.  I am not perfect, he is not perfect, but together we are perfect for each other.   We keep working at this and that is what makes a happy marriage. 

He's Not Perfect

This sums him up completely! And I wouldn't have him any other way...I love my husband!

Always Kiss Me Goodnight

I cannot say for certain if "rituals" make your marriage better or not.  I can say for certain though, I love my husband.  We have a routine, ritual, whatever you want to call it.  It ends our night, every night.  And without it, somethings seems off.  When it is missed or not done just the right way it throws off the whole next day.  

I have become so accustomed to it, and I don't know what I would do if it didn't happen anymore.  And it's not like it is done without emotion or feelings.  There is no mechanical feel to it...it is done from the heart and with deep emotion.  I get excited at this time, I know it is about to happen!  It makes me feel so loved and wanted, I can't even explain it to you.  Now...get your mind out of the gutter, I am talking about our good night kiss routine! 

It is the same every single night and it never gets boring or mundane.  It is something that I look forward to so much that I am getting goosebumps just thinking about it!  It is special, sacred and all our's!  It means a lot to both of us and ends our night on a great note.  It is the prelude to me cuddling up in his arms and slowing drifting off to sleep.  I love my husband...  

   

                           

I Love My Husband

<---This says it all, (in the simple version).  I just simply love that man of mine.  He can make me smile on the saddest day, and he can make my smile bigger on the best day! 

This would be a more descriptive version --->
And it still does not say everything I feel.  I do try to tell him as often as possible how much he means to me.  I remind him frequently that he melts my heart with a glance.  I try to spoil him here and there to let him know he is appreciated. 

And although we are far from perfect, we are perfect for each other.  I have never felt more sense of belonging.  His faithfulness  makes me feel unconditionally loved and respected more than I have ever been.  This blog may not seem to have much of point to those reading it...but it gets the message to my husband, and that is all that counts. 

So ladies, there is nothing wrong with letting your husband know how special he is to you.  Share it often and speak from the heart.  I think it makes for a stronger, happier marriage.  Here's to the rest of our lives...I love my husband.

Perfection, blah, blah, blah

I don't know about all of you, but I plan to stay married to my husband for the rest of our lives.  Yes, this is a second marriage for us both...but when you finally get it right, well you just don't want to lose that.  We are not anywhere near what society would call perfect, and I am just fine with this.  

According to Merriam-Webster they define perfect as: being entirely without fault, corresponding to an ideal standard.  Now I don't want to necessarily stand out, but I am not really a "fit in" kinda gal either.  The same goes for my husband, except the gal part of course, lol.  Sure I like some of the same things as others, be it clothes or a hairstyle but I am far from conforming!  I constantly complain that I need a new style, and to be honest I am not sure I actually have a style to change, lol.  But I am OK with that, and so is my husband.

No matter what image I have myself in my head, it obviously differs from my husband's image.  I know that all men think they are obligated to tell their wives they look great, the tell them they are beautiful, that they don't need to change a thing.  Now in a woman's mind, she is instantly thinking, "liar"...I, like most women will always have little insecurities about ourselves.  I too doubt at times when my husband gives me a compliment.  But its not a strong doubt, its more like, "Huh?  For real?"  And most of the time, I actually believe what he is saying to me.  Not because I am overly confident, lol...but because he makes me feel that way.  And that folks it why I am never letting this man go! 

I can say without a doubt that I am married to the most handsome man in world, just looking at him sets the butterflies off in my stomach. Hearing his voice, ahhhh!  Goose bumps!  I am not sure if he thinks exactly the same thing about me, but I am gonna guess he kinda likes me since he is still with me, lol.  My whole point to this blog is when you have that perfect person, (and I do!), hang on to them.  Even if there are days you don't see yourself as a great catch, just remember, they do!  You might not be everyone's cup of tea, but when you are just right for each other you over look the chips and imperfections...

It's All In The Kiss

A kiss is a kiss, or so some might think.  But it has many meanings.  There is the parent-child kiss, the greeting family kiss, or depending upon your nationality/religion, well there is kissing there, too!  However, the kiss between a husband and wife is what I am talking about.  It says so much...it can say good morning, good night, how was your day, I missed you, thank you, I love you, etc...

My husband and I kiss, OFTEN!  We kiss before leaving for work, we kiss when we see each other at home after work, several random throughout the evening and of course before bed.  And that one is the ritual one!  It has a pattern that we never break.  It is special and meaningful and just between us.  It makes me tingle all over to think of a kiss from my husband.

Those times when we get to kiss mean the world to me.  It shows me many things.  It shows me he will miss me in the morning.  He is glad to see me after work.  He is grateful for me in his life and he loves me very much. All of that, and no words have to be spoken.  The kiss is very powerful and very meaningful.

So, even if you don't think a kiss is that important or that meaningful, think again!  Take a few seconds, (or longer) to make it count.  Not just a quick peck on the cheek.  Tell a story with your kiss.  Give it enough ump to last until the next one!  I would be lost without my husband's kisses!  xoxo

Love, Faith, Respect

There are many ways to have a happy marriage.  What works for one couple may not work for another.  But the basics ring true for all...and they can be summed up in 3 words:

                   FAITH                          RESPECT                                   LOVE

I don't care who you are, without these you have nothing. FAITH : confidence or trust in your spouse.  RESPECT : a sense of the worth (and or excellence) of your spouse.  LOVE : a profoundly tender, deep passionate affection for your spouse.

I think that people throw the word LOVE around way too much and without truly understanding the meaning. Love is something that is built.  It is not found, it is not instantaneous.  It is not something you feel for a person, then next week you have a new "love", it just doesn't work that way at all.  I think a lot of people feel lust, possibly a strong like, but actually do not truly love.  Call me wrong, but at least hear me out.  

My husband and I were together for a year and half before we married.  That seems to be about average I guess.  What I don't understand are the ones that are together for less than a year and marrying.  I think it takes at least a full year to really to get to know someone.  Sure you think you love that person soon into the relationship, but that is the lust speaking.  That is why I say it is not instant.  But it makes for a great story to tell everyone it was love at first sight, huh? lol  I had very strong feelings for my husband when we first started dating, those feelings turned into love.  And as great as he is, it was not instant love. That is not possible.  Once I got to know more about him, that love started to flourish and look at us now! :)

LOVE is built, and it grows with the relationship.  Its awesome when the lust turns to love, and I bet most of us do not even realize when that happens.  I honestly cannot tell you when the lust turned into love.  I just cannot remember a day that I didn't love my husband.  We have been together now for nearly 4 years and it is hard to remember life without him.  As he puts it, "It just seems like you have always been there, I don't remember you not being there"...that folks is a good man who will never be back on the market! :)  

RESPECT : It goes both ways.  Never make your spouse feel like your enemy.  If you are having a bad day, talk it out...do NOT take it out on them.  They can be a sound board for venting, but don't use them to lash out.  Do nice things for each other.  Don't leave all the sweet little things to just one of you.  If you receive, you should give back.  Little things mean a lot.  Along with respect is value.  You have to value what is done for you, whether it is done out habit, kindness and just because.  

And FAITH: There is a very thin line of difference between trust and faith.  It is very important to trust your partner and have faith in yourself to keep your marriage strong.  Do not let past experiences dictate your future.  The past is the past for a reason.  Leave it there, move on and have faith that your marriage is meant to last a lifetime.  

Faith is powerful and moving...and does not always have to mean religion.  Faith is a strong belief, and your marriage deserves a strong belief!  Your spouse will be there for you when others are not.  Your spouse has put you first, above themselves.  You should do the same. 

It comes down to this folks...without FAITH, RESPECT, and LOVE...you have nothing.  A marriage cannot function on any one of those alone, it has to be all three.  Of course you will have your moments of disagreements and not so easy going days, but as long as you have each other and have faith, respect and love backing you up, you are going to last a lifetime...and be better for it.  Ahhhhhhh, happiness! 

The Normal Family?

Normal, you see that word everywhere.  What exactly is normal? Well let's just Google it! Normal: conforming to a standard; usual; typical or expected; ordinary.  Where's the fun in that?  We are anything but normal, and we like it!    


Sure, we know how to behave in public when needed.  Heck we can even be prim and proper when the situation calls for it.  That is why I like to think of us as more like a versatile family, we fit that description much better!  Versatile: capable of doing many things competently; able to adapt; changeable; and better yet, INCONSISTENT!  Yeah, that is us!  And its not as bad as it sounds! It just means we can fit in anywhere, to what degree depends on us.  It is one of the things that keeps our marriage fresh!

 






                                                                                                              








Being able to adapt to different situations and occasions leaves our options more open to have fun together.   We are not limited and honestly I enjoy that.  Social class, age, music genre, it doesn't matter...we can make it work.  I don't understand those who limit their selves to so few things.  You have to push that threshold and step out of your comfort zone in order to really live!  Our lives will never be dull!  

We recently joined a gym and started working out.  That broadened our scope a little.  A gym is actually a very interesting place, filled with people of all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds.  What ties them together is the reason that brought them all there in the first place, to get healthy.  The gym is the perfect example of what our marriage is.  My husband and I have many things in common and at the same time we can be very different.  Our common goal that brought us together, well to be honest at first, lust, lol...then love.  And being a versatile family is keeping it new and refreshing.  Step out into the world, live a little and learn a lot!  Until next time...

In A Few Words

I Adore, I love, have devotion, cherish, treasure and worship my husband...yes, I said worship.  Now stop rolling your eyes and let me explain.  Those are just a few words to describe how I feel about my husband and I am sure the last one will have a few of you ready to stop reading this blog, right...about...now!  But wait, do you truly know what it means?  Let me start with the first word:

Adore: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness.  I feel those things and more for my husband.  How about you?  

Love:  a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone.  Yep, again that describes my feelings.

Devotion: a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone.  Are you seeing a pattern here?

Cherish: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness...

Treasure: do I really need to define it?

Worship: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness...

All of these things mean about the same thing.  But to me, it means that I love my husband very much!  I adore his smile and cute little expressions.  I love how he takes care of me and the kids.  I am devoted to him and him alone.  I cherish our life together and look forward to growing old with him.  I treasure what we have created and hope that we can be role models for our children.  And I worship the ground he walks on.                                        

                                                          

Now that does not mean that I am bowing down in his presence or adorning the ground upon which he steps with freshly picked flowers.  I am not waiting with bated breath for his permission to so much as speak.  I do however hang on his words, often looking at him in a loving manner, go above and beyond when I can to do nice things for him and check him out as much as possible.  Now does he expect this?  Nope.  Does he like it?  Well, I guess so.  He isn't complaining! :)  

Now looking back at the meanings of those words above, do you notice a word they all have in common?  Its the word "feel".  And no one can tell another how to feel.  That means that no one can tell you who and or how to adore, love, devote, cherish, treasure or worship!  So, for those who think it is wrong to worship your husband, bite me.  Its my feelings, not yours.  

And a few words to those who rolled their eyes to any of this, how happy is your marriage?  Can you laugh and have fun anywhere?  Would your husband do whatever it takes to make you smile on a bad day?  Would he be there for you in your time of need when everyone else has turned their backs?  Would be wait on you hand and foot if you were not feeling well and help nurture you back to health? Would he love you endlessly for the rest of all time?  Now would you do all of that for him?  If you wouldn't, why should he?  

It's not about being selfish, marriage makes you a team.   You get out of it what you put in to it...and there is nothing wrong with being nice!  So, next time you get upset with your husband over the way he is treating you, if you are not doing much for him, why should he worship, treasure, cherish you?  I am not saying it's an "eye for an eye" type of thing, but go above and beyond and see what you get back.  I have done that and I have gotten a wonderful life in return.