Ramblings of How We Do it

Not to brag, but I have a great marriage!  I didn't get it right the first time around, and luckily neither did he.  So after our not so great first marriages, together we are still learning what makes a great marriage...there are disagreements, discussions and changes.  As we learn how to be better spouses, I think we are also learning to become better parents as well.  We want our kids to have a happy life.  We want to show them by example.  We don't sugar coat, but we try to keep things as positive as possible. 

The thing that I love about my husband is that because of him I still get butterflies, goosebumps and giddy at times.  He does that to me without even trying.  Marriage takes work, but love is effortless...when there is love, it's there. You don't have to force it, learn it or convince it.  It is something that brought two hearts together in a bond so tight you can feel the strength.  We can be in each others presence and not have to speak a word. I cannot think of anyone else better to grow old with.  He is truly my soul mate.

Not everyone can be as lucky as us!  And I say that with the utmost respect.  I hear friends, co worker and even strangers at the store bad mouthing and complaining about their spouses.  Of course you might need to vent once in a while, but just remember this...choose your words wisely. What you say can form someone's opinion of your spouse. Do you really want someone going around thinking your spouse is scum and your crazy for being with them?  I think those type of relationships are possibly doomed.   I am not saying you should never vent about things on your mind, but I am saying be careful with your words.  They can hurt...just think about it like this.  If the role was reversed, would you want to be spoken about that way?  It's a mutual respect, either you have it or you don't.  And respect is a BIG part of why our marriage works so well.   

Am I Damaged Goods?

There are days that I sit there and think, when is this dream over?  Am I about to wake up and be right back where I was?  If this is a dream, it's very realistic and at the same time, hard to believe.  I have a hard time believing that my husband is mine, all mine.  And I don't have to share him.  When we took vows, he took them very seriously, as did I.  This was not the case with my last marriage.  That one was filled with lies, deceit and heartbreak.  I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out of my happiness...

This sounds so negative, even as think it, type it, read it.  I know it sounds terrible to think, but it is in no way a slam on my husband.  He is a wonderful person and treats me better than I ever thought I could be treated.  But when your past won't get out of your head,  it puts a slight damper on the present.  My husband doesn't say much about my past, he knows about it, he knows it bothers me.  And I think it bothers him.  He has to live with the shadow of my past looming over us.

I would like to think it doesn't effect our relationship, but there are times I am sure it does.  You would think it would be a piece of cake, you know being such a great guy after that loser.  But there are challenges.  Like I said above, I sometimes find it hard to believe that there isn't "another woman" or several for that fact.  Not that I think that is the norm for any relationship!  I just dealt with it for so long, I prayed it would stop for so long and it never did.  My life is kind of like one of those too good to be true things right now.  Therefore, the bottom has to drop out at some point, right? 

I can be told 1000 times that my life will be perfect from here on out, but there is some sort of filter in my brain that is keeping me from fully believing this.  And once again, this is not a slam on my husband at all.  It is not his fault at all...but I don't know how to fix this and make it right.  Am I what they call damaged goods?   

I pray on a daily basis he doesn't just finally decide that this is not worth the headache, hassle or trouble.  I know deep down that he would not do that, but everyone has a breaking point.  I fear that my past could push someone to that.  I am a lot to handle, and I was a package deal.  He took it all with great acceptance and love.  For that he deserves sainthood.  He is my dream come true, he is all I ever wanted and more.  He was the missing piece to my puzzle of a heart. 

This is kind of a downer of a blog for me write, I have actually been working on it off and on all day.  It is just one of those days where I look at where I was and where I am and think, "OK, that's it..." and BAM!  My great life is gone.  And it's back to the old ways.  I love my life and I love the way things are going.  It's not always sunshine and roses, but it is always filled with love.  I don't ever want it to end. I can't imagine not having what I have right now.   

Regardless of what this blog may lead you to believe, I love and trust my husband with all of my heart and soul.  I have faith that our marriage is sacred and will last our lifetime.  It's just those moments that won't leave your head, the few times that the past rears its ugly head.  I will tell you this.  I think it is getting better.  I have good days and I have bad days.  I tend to over think things at times, and that makes it not such a good day.  I just have to remind myself that I have a good guy.  I am not perfect, he is not perfect, but together we are perfect for each other.   We keep working at this and that is what makes a happy marriage. 

I Love My Husband

<---This says it all, (in the simple version).  I just simply love that man of mine.  He can make me smile on the saddest day, and he can make my smile bigger on the best day! 

This would be a more descriptive version --->
And it still does not say everything I feel.  I do try to tell him as often as possible how much he means to me.  I remind him frequently that he melts my heart with a glance.  I try to spoil him here and there to let him know he is appreciated. 

And although we are far from perfect, we are perfect for each other.  I have never felt more sense of belonging.  His faithfulness  makes me feel unconditionally loved and respected more than I have ever been.  This blog may not seem to have much of point to those reading it...but it gets the message to my husband, and that is all that counts. 

So ladies, there is nothing wrong with letting your husband know how special he is to you.  Share it often and speak from the heart.  I think it makes for a stronger, happier marriage.  Here's to the rest of our lives...I love my husband.

Perfection, blah, blah, blah

I don't know about all of you, but I plan to stay married to my husband for the rest of our lives.  Yes, this is a second marriage for us both...but when you finally get it right, well you just don't want to lose that.  We are not anywhere near what society would call perfect, and I am just fine with this.  

According to Merriam-Webster they define perfect as: being entirely without fault, corresponding to an ideal standard.  Now I don't want to necessarily stand out, but I am not really a "fit in" kinda gal either.  The same goes for my husband, except the gal part of course, lol.  Sure I like some of the same things as others, be it clothes or a hairstyle but I am far from conforming!  I constantly complain that I need a new style, and to be honest I am not sure I actually have a style to change, lol.  But I am OK with that, and so is my husband.

No matter what image I have myself in my head, it obviously differs from my husband's image.  I know that all men think they are obligated to tell their wives they look great, the tell them they are beautiful, that they don't need to change a thing.  Now in a woman's mind, she is instantly thinking, "liar"...I, like most women will always have little insecurities about ourselves.  I too doubt at times when my husband gives me a compliment.  But its not a strong doubt, its more like, "Huh?  For real?"  And most of the time, I actually believe what he is saying to me.  Not because I am overly confident, lol...but because he makes me feel that way.  And that folks it why I am never letting this man go! 

I can say without a doubt that I am married to the most handsome man in world, just looking at him sets the butterflies off in my stomach. Hearing his voice, ahhhh!  Goose bumps!  I am not sure if he thinks exactly the same thing about me, but I am gonna guess he kinda likes me since he is still with me, lol.  My whole point to this blog is when you have that perfect person, (and I do!), hang on to them.  Even if there are days you don't see yourself as a great catch, just remember, they do!  You might not be everyone's cup of tea, but when you are just right for each other you over look the chips and imperfections...

Love, Faith, Respect

There are many ways to have a happy marriage.  What works for one couple may not work for another.  But the basics ring true for all...and they can be summed up in 3 words:

                   FAITH                          RESPECT                                   LOVE

I don't care who you are, without these you have nothing. FAITH : confidence or trust in your spouse.  RESPECT : a sense of the worth (and or excellence) of your spouse.  LOVE : a profoundly tender, deep passionate affection for your spouse.

I think that people throw the word LOVE around way too much and without truly understanding the meaning. Love is something that is built.  It is not found, it is not instantaneous.  It is not something you feel for a person, then next week you have a new "love", it just doesn't work that way at all.  I think a lot of people feel lust, possibly a strong like, but actually do not truly love.  Call me wrong, but at least hear me out.  

My husband and I were together for a year and half before we married.  That seems to be about average I guess.  What I don't understand are the ones that are together for less than a year and marrying.  I think it takes at least a full year to really to get to know someone.  Sure you think you love that person soon into the relationship, but that is the lust speaking.  That is why I say it is not instant.  But it makes for a great story to tell everyone it was love at first sight, huh? lol  I had very strong feelings for my husband when we first started dating, those feelings turned into love.  And as great as he is, it was not instant love. That is not possible.  Once I got to know more about him, that love started to flourish and look at us now! :)

LOVE is built, and it grows with the relationship.  Its awesome when the lust turns to love, and I bet most of us do not even realize when that happens.  I honestly cannot tell you when the lust turned into love.  I just cannot remember a day that I didn't love my husband.  We have been together now for nearly 4 years and it is hard to remember life without him.  As he puts it, "It just seems like you have always been there, I don't remember you not being there"...that folks is a good man who will never be back on the market! :)  

RESPECT : It goes both ways.  Never make your spouse feel like your enemy.  If you are having a bad day, talk it out...do NOT take it out on them.  They can be a sound board for venting, but don't use them to lash out.  Do nice things for each other.  Don't leave all the sweet little things to just one of you.  If you receive, you should give back.  Little things mean a lot.  Along with respect is value.  You have to value what is done for you, whether it is done out habit, kindness and just because.  

And FAITH: There is a very thin line of difference between trust and faith.  It is very important to trust your partner and have faith in yourself to keep your marriage strong.  Do not let past experiences dictate your future.  The past is the past for a reason.  Leave it there, move on and have faith that your marriage is meant to last a lifetime.  

Faith is powerful and moving...and does not always have to mean religion.  Faith is a strong belief, and your marriage deserves a strong belief!  Your spouse will be there for you when others are not.  Your spouse has put you first, above themselves.  You should do the same. 

It comes down to this folks...without FAITH, RESPECT, and LOVE...you have nothing.  A marriage cannot function on any one of those alone, it has to be all three.  Of course you will have your moments of disagreements and not so easy going days, but as long as you have each other and have faith, respect and love backing you up, you are going to last a lifetime...and be better for it.  Ahhhhhhh, happiness!