Love, Faith, Respect

There are many ways to have a happy marriage.  What works for one couple may not work for another.  But the basics ring true for all...and they can be summed up in 3 words:

                   FAITH                          RESPECT                                   LOVE

I don't care who you are, without these you have nothing. FAITH : confidence or trust in your spouse.  RESPECT : a sense of the worth (and or excellence) of your spouse.  LOVE : a profoundly tender, deep passionate affection for your spouse.

I think that people throw the word LOVE around way too much and without truly understanding the meaning. Love is something that is built.  It is not found, it is not instantaneous.  It is not something you feel for a person, then next week you have a new "love", it just doesn't work that way at all.  I think a lot of people feel lust, possibly a strong like, but actually do not truly love.  Call me wrong, but at least hear me out.  

My husband and I were together for a year and half before we married.  That seems to be about average I guess.  What I don't understand are the ones that are together for less than a year and marrying.  I think it takes at least a full year to really to get to know someone.  Sure you think you love that person soon into the relationship, but that is the lust speaking.  That is why I say it is not instant.  But it makes for a great story to tell everyone it was love at first sight, huh? lol  I had very strong feelings for my husband when we first started dating, those feelings turned into love.  And as great as he is, it was not instant love. That is not possible.  Once I got to know more about him, that love started to flourish and look at us now! :)

LOVE is built, and it grows with the relationship.  Its awesome when the lust turns to love, and I bet most of us do not even realize when that happens.  I honestly cannot tell you when the lust turned into love.  I just cannot remember a day that I didn't love my husband.  We have been together now for nearly 4 years and it is hard to remember life without him.  As he puts it, "It just seems like you have always been there, I don't remember you not being there"...that folks is a good man who will never be back on the market! :)  

RESPECT : It goes both ways.  Never make your spouse feel like your enemy.  If you are having a bad day, talk it out...do NOT take it out on them.  They can be a sound board for venting, but don't use them to lash out.  Do nice things for each other.  Don't leave all the sweet little things to just one of you.  If you receive, you should give back.  Little things mean a lot.  Along with respect is value.  You have to value what is done for you, whether it is done out habit, kindness and just because.  

And FAITH: There is a very thin line of difference between trust and faith.  It is very important to trust your partner and have faith in yourself to keep your marriage strong.  Do not let past experiences dictate your future.  The past is the past for a reason.  Leave it there, move on and have faith that your marriage is meant to last a lifetime.  

Faith is powerful and moving...and does not always have to mean religion.  Faith is a strong belief, and your marriage deserves a strong belief!  Your spouse will be there for you when others are not.  Your spouse has put you first, above themselves.  You should do the same. 

It comes down to this folks...without FAITH, RESPECT, and LOVE...you have nothing.  A marriage cannot function on any one of those alone, it has to be all three.  Of course you will have your moments of disagreements and not so easy going days, but as long as you have each other and have faith, respect and love backing you up, you are going to last a lifetime...and be better for it.  Ahhhhhhh, happiness! 

The Normal Family?

Normal, you see that word everywhere.  What exactly is normal? Well let's just Google it! Normal: conforming to a standard; usual; typical or expected; ordinary.  Where's the fun in that?  We are anything but normal, and we like it!    


Sure, we know how to behave in public when needed.  Heck we can even be prim and proper when the situation calls for it.  That is why I like to think of us as more like a versatile family, we fit that description much better!  Versatile: capable of doing many things competently; able to adapt; changeable; and better yet, INCONSISTENT!  Yeah, that is us!  And its not as bad as it sounds! It just means we can fit in anywhere, to what degree depends on us.  It is one of the things that keeps our marriage fresh!

 






                                                                                                              








Being able to adapt to different situations and occasions leaves our options more open to have fun together.   We are not limited and honestly I enjoy that.  Social class, age, music genre, it doesn't matter...we can make it work.  I don't understand those who limit their selves to so few things.  You have to push that threshold and step out of your comfort zone in order to really live!  Our lives will never be dull!  

We recently joined a gym and started working out.  That broadened our scope a little.  A gym is actually a very interesting place, filled with people of all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds.  What ties them together is the reason that brought them all there in the first place, to get healthy.  The gym is the perfect example of what our marriage is.  My husband and I have many things in common and at the same time we can be very different.  Our common goal that brought us together, well to be honest at first, lust, lol...then love.  And being a versatile family is keeping it new and refreshing.  Step out into the world, live a little and learn a lot!  Until next time...

Full Time Marriage

Marriage is hard work, but so worth the reward!  I cannot imagine my life without my husband.  A husband and wife should be like a puzzle, when you find the right one you just fit together...perfectly.  That is my husband and I.  We have much in common, and at the same time we have different likes.  But that does not stop us from doing things together at all.  We are respectful enough to oblige each other and taking part in what the other one likes.  Its all about a mutual respect, and a deep love for each other.  

                                                         
In a world where commitment is nearly a lost virtue, I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have someone I can count on to be there for me.  Monogamy seems to be losing value these days and I do not understand why.  I am totally floored when I hear of someone famous who was caught cheating.  I am totally floored when I hear of anyone cheating, but especially a star!  You are in the public eye and didn't think you would get caught?  In my opinion, they have just public announced that they have very little respect or regard for their spouse.  After all, that is what cheating is.  You have very little respect for your spouse if you turn to another for your needs.   

I have been the disrespected spouse (from my previous marriage) and let me tell you , it was not very good for the ol' ego at all.  Nothing worse than knowing you are not enough and that someone else is spending intimate time with the one YOU love. Add that to the fact that someone would have so little disregard for your feelings...it makes for a large therapy bill later in life.  This is where I count my lucky stars.  I have found someone who would not do that.  I know what you are saying, "How do you know he won't?"  It's called FAITH people.  We have such a great relationship, we are so open and honest with each other, I cannot imagine him ever hurting me in that way.

                                                

I could bore you with ever growing and undying love for my husband, but I want you to come back and read more later, lol.  I just want people to know that marriage is a full time job.  Its takes two to make it work and it takes faith to know its going to remain this good for ever.  We may not live the fairy tale life, but I sure do feel like a princess that has found her prince charming.  I am living my happily ever after...

In A Few Words

I Adore, I love, have devotion, cherish, treasure and worship my husband...yes, I said worship.  Now stop rolling your eyes and let me explain.  Those are just a few words to describe how I feel about my husband and I am sure the last one will have a few of you ready to stop reading this blog, right...about...now!  But wait, do you truly know what it means?  Let me start with the first word:

Adore: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness.  I feel those things and more for my husband.  How about you?  

Love:  a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone.  Yep, again that describes my feelings.

Devotion: a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone.  Are you seeing a pattern here?

Cherish: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness...

Treasure: do I really need to define it?

Worship: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness...

All of these things mean about the same thing.  But to me, it means that I love my husband very much!  I adore his smile and cute little expressions.  I love how he takes care of me and the kids.  I am devoted to him and him alone.  I cherish our life together and look forward to growing old with him.  I treasure what we have created and hope that we can be role models for our children.  And I worship the ground he walks on.                                        

                                                          

Now that does not mean that I am bowing down in his presence or adorning the ground upon which he steps with freshly picked flowers.  I am not waiting with bated breath for his permission to so much as speak.  I do however hang on his words, often looking at him in a loving manner, go above and beyond when I can to do nice things for him and check him out as much as possible.  Now does he expect this?  Nope.  Does he like it?  Well, I guess so.  He isn't complaining! :)  

Now looking back at the meanings of those words above, do you notice a word they all have in common?  Its the word "feel".  And no one can tell another how to feel.  That means that no one can tell you who and or how to adore, love, devote, cherish, treasure or worship!  So, for those who think it is wrong to worship your husband, bite me.  Its my feelings, not yours.  

And a few words to those who rolled their eyes to any of this, how happy is your marriage?  Can you laugh and have fun anywhere?  Would your husband do whatever it takes to make you smile on a bad day?  Would he be there for you in your time of need when everyone else has turned their backs?  Would be wait on you hand and foot if you were not feeling well and help nurture you back to health? Would he love you endlessly for the rest of all time?  Now would you do all of that for him?  If you wouldn't, why should he?  

It's not about being selfish, marriage makes you a team.   You get out of it what you put in to it...and there is nothing wrong with being nice!  So, next time you get upset with your husband over the way he is treating you, if you are not doing much for him, why should he worship, treasure, cherish you?  I am not saying it's an "eye for an eye" type of thing, but go above and beyond and see what you get back.  I have done that and I have gotten a wonderful life in return.

                                 

                                                               

What Does Husband Mean to You?

H- Honest...he tells me the truth and shares his past.

U- United...I feel like we became one long before we met.

S- Sweet...loves to pay me compliments that brighten my day

B- Brilliant...so full of great ideas!

A- Amazing...he is all I ever need and so much more

N- Never Far...always there when I need him, he is my rock.

D- Delightful in every way, I cannot imagine my life without him.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

                                                                                                                                                             How often have you heard that actions speak louder than words?  Those words were not spoken to make someone seem intelligent.  That phrase is entirely correct. Words can come with ease and be meaningless.  Actions take thought and are intentional. 

In everyday life, how often do you say things that you don’t necessarily mean?  Not that you are being fake, but there are some phrases and actions that we are programmed to say or do.  For example, in my line of work I probably say “have a nice day” dozens of times.  Not that I don’t want someone to have a nice day, but it just comes so natural to say it that I don’t often think of its true meaning.  Or when someone asks, “How are you?” the reply is usually, “Fine and yourself?”  Do you think that person really wants to know how you are?  Do they want you to rattle off that your back hurts, you think you’re constipated and you are worried about being behind on bills?  Of course not! 

                                                  

Sometimes I think we become so “programmed” in our lives that many more common phrases lose meaning and become habit of speech.  For example, “I love you”…I don’t know about all of you, but when I say it…I MEAN IT!  And I am not afraid to show it either.  Wither it be my husband, kids or other family, I can back that phrase up with an action if said in person.  A hug, a kiss, eye contact.  On the phone, its in the way it is said, (if that makes sense). 

When you are asking your spouse or children about their day, mean it!  Make eye contact if possible and be engaged in the conversation.  I can be guilty about this from time to time, doing the head nod and saying things like, “uh, huh”.  I don’t like that done to me, so why would I want to do that to others?   At times I have been bad about this with the kids, especially when I am busy.   I have been trying to make a conscience effort to  really be in the conversation as much as possible.  It can be tough with kids when they ramble on and on, lol…but I think the reward will be worth the effort.

My husband and I like to talk, there is no denying that!  And we share the events of our day with each other all the time.  Sometimes I am totally lost when he gets into talking about his job at times, and I sure the same is true for him when I speak of my day at work.  But I am truly interested in what he has to say.  I love that he wants to share his day with me.  It makes me feel like an important part of his life.  I believe that is a sign of good communication and a commitment in the relationship.  Two of the most important things that make a marriage work.

                                                       

We say “I love you” often…maybe some people would think it is said too much, but I personally love to hear it.  Sometimes it is just through texts, sometimes over the phone and the best way, hearing him speak those words.  It sounds sincere and melts my heart every time, (its also his voice, I LOVE his voice!).  It also reminds me how lucky I am to have someone like that! 

The point to this being, don’t let simple yet meaningful phrases like “I love you” become routine with no meaning.  Throw some action behind those words and make them felt by the receiver!   Mean it every single time you speak it.  If you text it, TYPE IT OUT…the whole phrase. No shortcuts or symbols.  If in person…seal it with a kiss.  Actions speak louder than words.  Have a nice day! 

Love, True Love.

                                                                               

I believe every marriage is a work in progress...and mine is no exception.  We are not perfect, we have to work at things and from time to time we suffer from miscommunication once in a while. All in all, we make it work...and well I might add!  I think that is because we started out as friends.  We got to really know each other and learn a lot about what makes each of us tick.  We learned of each others' past, the good and the bad.  


Unfortunately, the bad is what I seem to have an issue with from time to time. From both sides...the bad on mine is the the being cheated on, neglected, left to do it all, being abused, just overall being treated terrible.  The bad on his, hearing of his past "sexual experiences" and relationships, which sometimes in my mind make him as bad as my ex.  I know this is not true, but its my mind so sue me.  You cannot always help the way you think, especially when your mind has been treated so badly for years.  At times I appreciate my husband's  honesty and other times I just wish he had just kept it to himself. 
                                                    
I realize my husband's past is the past, but we have dealt with crazy women from the past rearing their ugly heads and causing issues, which is not good.  One incident really and truly hurt me.  It just stirred up a lot of unwanted memories and makes it even more difficult to get my own past out of my head.   And try as I may, sometimes I cannot help but to wonder if my husband is going to do as my ex did.  That sounds horrible, doesn't it?  When I think of that, it makes me feel terrible for even thinking my husband is capable of hurting me like that.  I know deep my heart he never would, but that past can be a real bitch sometimes.


I think I tend to read too much into actions that are nothing.  I dwell on things that really have no meaning, and I allow my feelings to be hurt way to easily.  This is where the miscommunication part comes in.  Although it is the topic of this blog, it is a very small part of our relationship.  I do not want to this to come across as a huge issue or as a daily issue that we have.  


I cannot express how incredibly happy my husband makes me.  I cannot put into words how wonderful it feels to be married to him, how lucky I am to have found someone that makes me feel this way.  I just know this, I have never been happier or more content than I am now.  Which is why these feelings about the past truly bother me.  I don't know if this is my brain's way of trying to protect me or trying to confuse and hurt me.  Sometimes I feel like I am in a huge struggle with my own head.  Sounds silly, huh?  I just want to forget my past, forget his past and live our happily ever after.  How do you shut off the past?

                                           


If I have heard it once, well actually, if I hear it again I think I will scream...but as they say "Your past makes you who you are today"  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  See, told you I would scream, lol.  I realize I am a stronger person today because of what I dealt with in my past, blah blah blah...but damn it! Why can I not get the bad out of my head?!  When does that part go away so it does not reflect on current life?  I am tired of remembering my past, and I am tired of making others suffer for it.  It is not fair to any of us.  


I am open to suggestions, I will try almost anything.  All I want is my happy ever after, the wonderful marriage I deserve and for us to enjoy growing old together.   I love you my wonderful husband...forever and always.